Countdown to the Qu’est-ce que c’est? 12 Hour Run

...We are different, in essence, from other men. If you want to win something, run 100 meters. If you want to experience something, run a marathon. Emil Zatopek...

Less than six days left until the Qu’est-ce que c’est? 12 Hour Run.  It looks like there is a total of 15 people running this year.  The ages range from 27 to 65.  Seven are from South Carolina, three from Pennsylvania, two from North Carolina, one from Tennessee, one from Georgia and one from New Jersey (eight men and seven women).  

Saturday I started my taper with a ten mile run.  It was nice to go out to Sullivan's Island and just enjoy the "short" run.  I'm resting most of this week with the exception of the 5k I am running tomorrow night at the Citadel.  After the race I am planing on running two shorts runs on Wednesday, four miles on Thursday and three miles on Friday.  Nothing but rest on Saturday.

The guy that puts this race on has a great sense of humor.  From making the registration crazy hard to listing his views on why he does not want any type of sponsorship it cracks me up every time I visit the web site.  Recently he added this hilarious FAQ's page that really lays out his philosophy on the race (from the Alex Runs web site): 

FAQs.................(aka Frequently Asked Questions)

 Numerous questions have been received and will be answered and/or addressed on a timely basis as our consultant expert runners respond with careful and scientific consideration to met all your needs in making your race and run a total pleasant and informative experience with minimum anxiety as well as a significant reduction in obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors associated with you arriving, competing, and leaving these events.
Q: How far is a 12 hr run?
A: Answering this question involves too many variables from deep space algorithms developed by Einstein, Carl Sagan, and large computers developed by the likes of IBM. Suffice it to say you can go quite a ways in 12 hrs.

Q: Is there a time cutoff for a 12 hr run?
A: Yes. It can be calculated by examining the 50% completion time (6 hrs), and multiplying it by twice that time period. This brings you to the rough estimate of when you will be done. Calculation help is being provided by MIT and other really smart people.

Q: When is the race expo and is this where I pick up my packet?
A: The race expo was cancelled because of an outstanding lawsuit on appropriate expo booth dimensions vs the ability to sell over-priced goods at said sale prices. Packets were thus burned in a large pile behind a dumpster. They can be found behind the dumpster.

Q: Is there a route map available?
A: Yes, but you can't have it.

Q: Is there aid on the course?
A: Yes. Squirrels, birds, dogs, random runners, walkers, cyclists, and many other park denizens may be willing to discuss your needs and provide recommendations.

Q: Will partial laps count?
A: Yes, the same as partial baskets in basketball, close field goals, and foul balls.  All are counted in the same manner and recorded in the race records.

Q: How do I handle the heat on this type of run?
A: Stop running, go home, shower up, make a sandwich, and watch "I Dream of Genie" reruns. This seems to eliminate all discomfort associated with ultra runs. If the problem still persists, get a nap in.

Q: Are headphones allowed on the course?
A: Yes, but they must be the old Radio Shack type worn by roller skaters in old 80s movies. They must also have the antenna fully extended and it must be on AM talk radio.

Q: Can I bring my own lap counter?
A: I don't know, can you? My mother taught me to ask nicely. You MAY bring a counter, but I am unsure of your abilities to complete this task.

Q: Is there a place to put my gear when running?
A: Yes, but at the rate of $100 per 10x12 square area. Discounts are available for multiple day storage needs.

Q: Are you for real with this run and website?
A: Is this a serious question or a metaphysical related issue?

Q: Where is the best spot for spectators on the course?
A: Same spot as your sandwich at home. (See question on handling the heat for more info.)

Q: will chip timing be used?
A: I don't know chip, he has not registered, and has not offered to I am not sure how to answer this question.

Q: When will results be published?
A: You are keeping track of your laps, so you will know immediately how you did. Other's results will depend on their ability to track their laps. Cheaters will be shot in the park and put on display...just like the old west.

Q: Will restrooms be available?
A: Sure, maybe....uhhh, yeah ok.
Q: What should I do if I get bored?
A: Give it a bit longer....once the pain sets in you should be mentally occupied. If you are still bored, stop, head home, and pick up one of many books on ultras you most likely have and dive in. This will keep you rivited for sure.
Q: What should I do if I get cold or wet during one of these runs?
A: Call Mom and she what she thinks.            
Q: What if I have an increase in evil thoughts?
A: Now you are on the right mental track for an ultra. Go with this for 20 or so and see if it helps.
Q: What will happen if I suddenly realize that I am not as cool and clever as I thought I was?
A: This will most likely happen when you mention Dean and all the amazing ultra feats of his you have read just keep all this to yourself from the get go. 
Q: Will WiFi be available on all of the courses?
A: Yes, as in "Wi the Fi did you show up for this?"
Q: Will chargers be provided to fit my cellular phone, iPOD, camera, Garmin, Blackberry, and iPAD?
A: Yes, you will be charged if you bring any of this equipment. 
Q: Will I need a bear bell or other bear protection at the Aux Montagnes run?
A: Yes, based on the previous questions, we will be populating the course with bear trained to chase you down and eat you.            
Q. What if I get lost at either of these runs?
A: Man, that is gonna suck. I guess you should be prepared for that.
Q: Will I receive “tweets” to update me on my current milage?
A: Yes, you will be "tweeted" like crap by the others if you are connected to the grid in any way, shape, or form during the run.

Love this guy...

1 comment:

  1. Good luck man! That FAQ is hilarious. Don't forget to tweet from your phone often! LOL.


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